9. You don’t have to sit on a hard pew for the whole service.
8. You can slip out to the restroom if you need to, and nobody notices.
7. You get to tell people where to go.
6. You get to take money from people.
5. You don’t have to be as friendly as the greeters.
4. You get to eat a lot of breath mints.
3. If a screaming child bothers you, you can do something about it.
2. Preachers preach to the choir, not to the ushers.
1. You get to seat latecomers in the front row.
“Better is one day in your courts than a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.”—Psalm 84:10